dirt nap

lee hazlewood story in the nytimes here.

ahead

i gotta take myself outta this place. spiralling inward too quick. this city does that to you, all of this part of the country does- you shoot inward, you put too much emphasis on your thoughts, of the processes you come up with in your mind to progress your thinking or to enable the progression of your thought processes... see where this is going? a loathsome inward spiral of self-awareness.... etc so lets take it out. take me out of it.
here. i'll try and get a new focus by seeing through another's eyes...
i'll stay here for a while.

sold.

just before moving to montana i sold most of my valuables. i regret having sold my touring bike sometimes, but i can replace it. i hate the word regret. and i don't like people who refrain from using the word hate. i'm not sure i even regret it, i just wish i had a touring bike now. and 2 of the guitars i sold! epiphone les paul. mmmmm the crunchy love. not that i could play worth a shit but it was nice to be able to play when i wanted to. adios hagstrom viking... aint she a doll?

really wanting to write but i can't seem to get a focus or direction. i am full with material and about to explode but i have no blueprint in my head. i'm too scattered. i need a week away, alone. out of the city. i need woods. badly. and drugs and alcohol. i do need woods though. i need no voices. i could use a good friend here, thats for sure. got a nice surprise from mom showing up the night before my birthday! total surprise. very sweet.

had to take mom to the airport at 4am this morning, drove around boston till 5:30 trying to figure out how to get back into cambridge. tunnel partially closed. asked 2 guys in a taxi, they ended up following me and asking me at the next light if i needed anything else, "noticed you had out-of-state tags." people are so kind here.

1975

i'm starting a list of books/movies/music (or other fun) created or originating in 1975, my birthyear. i think it was a good year.
(happy birthday, me.)


horses, patti smith
monkey wrench gang, ed abbey
tonight's the night, neil young & crazy horse
one flew over the cuckoo's nest
pine ridge indian reservation shootout
nuthin fancy, lynard skynard
red-headed stranger, willie nelson
zuma, neil young & crazy horse
watergate

7am's

"I’ve seen just how much I can stand
One night in Kansas City, we thought about killing a man
Seen my number fly by on Interstate Ten
Seen the mountains of Montana at Seven AM.
And I keep it all together for the sake of the kids
Got your fine-ass self on the back of my lids
Hell No, I Ain’t Happy.
But I ain’t too crappy, too crappy at all."
- drive-by truckers

not so much.

just saw pan's labyrinth in harvard square. okay visually but i can do without the repeated bludgeoning. and the girl being the only one privy to the gore-enriched fantasy underworld- was it her imagination's creation? whose souped-up 12-year old imagination are we talking about here? honestly not too impressed with it. some of the sets were so dark i just started to feel like they were afraid of detail in the production. even a dreary, lonely, new england night has more feeling, depth and color than pan's world. i'd like to invite guillermo on a tour of the enchanted forest in the basement of goldsmith's in 1982 downtown memphis. sorry. pretty uninterested in everything though. no revelations here.
cambridge, you are dead to me.

Overnight Showers Likely Lo 41°F

Saturday Showers Hi 49°F

Saturday Night Chance Rain/Snow Lo 34°F

Sunday Rain/Snow Likely Hi 40°F

Sunday Night Rain Lo 34°F

M.L.King Day Rain/Sleet Hi 36°F

listening to neko case's canadian amp tonight. chinky version of neil young's dreamin man. watched the entire 3rd season of l-word over the past 4 or 5 days. plasticality, but fun and oh so addictive. although they try and cover a broad (?) cross-section of lesbian americana (albeit in plasticality central, ca), i don't think there's one girl on there i'd wanna take an extended camping trip with. where are the bull dykes we all know and love? where are the bad juke boxes and back-woods rebas? where are the psychos with overly ambitious self-esteems and the pathological liars with eating disorders? yeah, t.v. world is nice. speaking of relationships, woody allen hits the nail on the head with this little gem.

don't burn the fires

dead moon retired.



Running away, i knew i was wrong
I tried to fit in where i didn't belong
Wearing their clothes, playing their games
Being a part of that urban decay
Don't burn the fires, i'm never coming home

When the morning sky was cold and grey
I could hear the whispers of my own mistakes
Those warning eyes, that final touch
No one seemed to care that much
So don't burn the fires, i'm never coming home

And when i'd reached my destination
I thought someday i might return
Cause deep inside was the need
To feel the home fires burn
But a faltering voice merely whispered
My name as if we'd never expected to
Hear it again, and my heart grew
Cold to that indifferent sound
As i slowly laid the receiver down

-dm

1-800-LETS ALL NOT DO COCAINE

hey massachusetts, lets be so miserable and wretchedly uncomfortable in our own skin that we only feel okay when we deconstruct everything to the point that there is no longer any soul or essence left in anything we touch, ok?
6 months left to go here. got a nice surprise from bailey showing up in town. of course, its supposed to rain the couple free days i have that we could ride.















really wish i had a copy of andy earle's patio tapes. 1-800-for the love of god, can we all not do coke? its been years since i've heard it. been too long. seems shelby was involved.
lately i feel the urge to do anything physical just to feel alive- snapping my wrists all night with rubber bands, tightening my stomach muscles while i pace the floor (its tricky like the pat-your-head/rub-your-belly thing), wearing as little as possible so i can be cold.
looking forward to ass-long trips through the high desert, red rock and mountains on bike with chico. weminuche camping trips... my new sleeping bag is bored here. chris m used to do pulls on the van window while transporting crap between stores. anything to keep moving. speaking of, i think i've acquired restless-leg syndrome. its been a couple weeks since it bothered me while trying to sleep but my legs were getting so jerky that i couldn't lay still long enough to fall asleep. it would go on for 2-4 hours most nights. maybe i'm just so tired now from being up late at a night job that it doesn't effect me....

4730 Hillmont

went by the old house in nutbush/berclair on christmas eve. a tradition i usually carry out with melissa but she has a family now and was with in-laws for more holiday celebration. stopped at a gas station to buy a couple sweets for mom's stocking and splurged $6 on powerball and scratch tickets. its christmas. this gas station sits directly atop the land i used to run through till i turned 13 and mom's new husband moved us to a nicer area of town. (begin nonconnah creek/ softshell turtle years).

it wasnt hard to figure things out back then, when i still knew the exact line between my world and the insanity of others. right where that gas station now sits, i could feel the presence of a box turtle a couple seconds before i walked up on it. daddy taught me this way. he grew up in these woods too. the wolf river bottoms. he took me fishing down here. during the years he was driving 18-wheelers he kept a couple bamboo poles inside the bushes in the backyard. nylon line wrapped tight around the length of hollow yellow.

our old house had the best lights on the block this christmas eve. the parked ski boat at the middle turnout/cove was gone.